There seems to be a lot of emphasis these days on relationships. Reality shows typically focus on relationships, new dating websites seem to spring up every month, and more songs are written and more movies are produced about relationships than any other subject.
It should be no surprise then that the Bible has quite a bit to say on this important topic, and while it is an extremely broad issue with many sub-areas, there is one over-arching principle which we will be studying today, and that is the importance of Jesus being the center of not only the relationship, but the center of each persons life. Whether you are single, dating, or married, the centrality of Jesus can not be over-stated, and this relationship with Him is what we will be taking a look at today.
I’m going to say some things in this study today that may shock you, and probably some other things that may anger you or even cause you to think I’m crazy, but as we study the scriptures, I will also show you how these are not my words, but they are actually the words of God. This is the way that God designed relationships, and the more we study the scriptures, the more we see how modern culture has deviated from God’s perfect design, to a self-centered and faulty model for relationships that have hurt many people. Just as a good relationship can be a blessing, a bad relationship can ruin lives and even negatively affect our relationship with God (1st Kings 11:1-6).
We have quite a number of scriptures to look at today, so let’s begin with the book of beginnings, Genesis 2:18-24:
“And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them: and whatever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.
And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.
And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;
And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her to the man.
And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall join to his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
Verse 18 is often taken out of context in our modern culture and used to justify the idea that God’s plan is for everyone to be in relationships and that “there is someone for everyone”. This erroneous belief comes from a misunderstanding due to a poor English translation of the original Hebrew text. Without going into too much detail and boring you with it, that word “alone” used in verse 18 does not carry the same meaning as we think of the word alone. Actually it is the Hebrew word bad which simply means “without one of his own kind” . It does not carry any specific meaning of a wife or a love mate”. This can actually be verified as we continue reading in context the next two verses, 19 and 20. What we see is that God brings each of the animals to Adam, and Adam names them all but no suitable help meet was found for him. It was simply a helper which God was looking for, not a lover or sexual partner because if so, the animals would never have even been considered.
Next in verses 21 and 22, we see that God creates a woman, and then in verses 23 and 24, take notice that Adam is the one – not God – who makes the famous comment about leaving parents and joining together with the woman.
I mention these points because I want you to recognize something… that human-to-human marriage, is purely a temporal, earthly, worldly device. It is temporary, and does not last beyond this world just as nothing of this world lasts. Jesus states this plainly in Matthew 22:29-30:
“Jesus answered and said to them, You do err, not knowing the scriptures, nor the power of God.
For in the resurrection they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are as the angels of God in heaven.”
The other point that we can learn from Genesis is that despite the commonly held misconception, Adam was not lonely, incomplete or lacking anything. He walked with God in the cool of the day in the Garden of Eden… there was absolutely no way that he was walking with God and feeling lonely or lacking!
The world tends to think of relationships and marriage as a tool for self-fulfillment or self-gratification, but that was never God’s design or plan. There is a very important lesson here which is that we can only be truly complete and fulfilled by God – and only after we are made complete in Him, are we then suitable for a relationship with another person. Let’s explore this further in Psalms 68:6:
“God sets the solitary in families: he brings out those which are bound with chains: but the rebellious dwell in a dry land.”
This is a seemingly confusing verse of scripture, but again we need to read in the original Hebrew text because our English translation doesn’t do this verse justice.
The word “solitary” used here in this verse, is the Hebrew word yachiyd, which means “a unique, set apart and complete whole.” It is the same word used to describe Jesus in John 3:16 when that verse states that God sent His “One and Only” Son.
The lesson here is this: Marriage does not make a complete whole out of two halves. You are not half-a-person on some life-long quest to find your other half. Rather, human marriage is two complete whole individuals being joined together. If you are not complete without a spouse, you will not be complete with a spouse. If you are lonely without a spouse, you will be lonely when you are married also. Marriage does not solve this. Only God can fill that void. If you think marriage will solve all these problems in you, such as feelings of loneliness, anxiety, rejection, etc. then you are not ready for marriage.
Notice also that the verse says “families” and not merely “husband and wife”. There is a movement in the world today which believes that the marriage vow of “forsaking all others” somehow includes the children as well. My dear friends, that could not be further from the truth. Jesus loves children, always has time for them and closely guards and cares for them Let us never forget that. It is only when we see relationships in the wrong way (as a tool for self-fulfillment) that we begin to see children as a nuisance. And this is not God’s plan or design.
So what then is the solution? Well, if you are familiar with me at all then you already know that the answer is going to be centering on and focusing on Jesus, so turn with me now to Jeremiah 3:14-15:
“Turn, O backsliding children, said the LORD; for I am married to you: and I will take you one of a city, and two of a family, and I will bring you to Zion:
And I will give you pastors according to my heart, which shall feed you with knowledge and understanding.”
This is an important verse because two things are stated here by God. First, that He is indeed married to us. Under the new covenant of Grace (signified here by Mt. Zion), we are the bride of Christ, and as such, notice in verse 15 that God gives us something… He gives us pastors according to His heart, which feed us with knowledge and understanding. This my friends is knowledge and understanding of His Grace.
So right about now you may be wondering why this is important or how this ties into our study today. I’m glad you asked! You see my friends, it is this intimate relationship with God and His Grace that enables us to be a complete whole, a true yachiyd in Christ; which in-turn makes us suitable and ready for human relationships.
You see, as stated earlier, human marriage was never meant for self-gratification or self-satisfaction… that role solely belongs to God and Him alone to provide for us. If we are drawing our self-fulfillment from something (anything) other than Jesus Christ, that is a serious red-flag that we do not have a healthy relationship with God. The true purpose of marriage is actually to represent the image of Christ and raise Godly children. This is made clear in Genesis 1:28 and Malachi 2:13-15.
Now I know that there are a lot of people (including believers) who recoil at this idea and say “That’s not fair! I deserve happiness!” and this is where I must point out that again if you are not being totally satisfied in Christ alone, and you believe that you need some other thing or some other person to be happy, then you need to slow down, take a step back and re-evaluate your relationship with Jesus Christ. Once you are receiving your satisfaction and provision from Him, the you will be thoroughly equipped and ready for a human relationship if that is where He leads.
In closing today, let’s take a look at Ephesians 5:22-32:
“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body.
Therefore as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loves his wife loves himself.
For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourishes and cherishes it, even as the Lord the church:
For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined to his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.”
In my talking with people, I have encountered two main groups: Those that utterly hate their wives, that those who worship their wives – which is idolatry. And the reverse is also true for women as well. Yet we see here that a proper relationship founded on Jesus Christ with Him supplying and nourishing both, will be in perfect harmony.
Notice that Jesus is the center throughout. In verses 22, 24, 25, 27, 29 and 32, every reference to loving each other is founded on Christ’s divine love for each of us. It is utterly impossible to truly love another person, even in marriage, without first receiving love from the source of love which is Jesus Christ.
Today regardless of what your human relationship status is – whether you are single, dating or married. Recognize that your personal relationship to God must always be center focus. Even those who are single on this earth are never truly “alone” because God has promised to never leave us or forsake us… often times we forsake and forget about Him, and we neglect to receive the love that He freely offers us.
So I encourage you today, cultivate a real relationship with God, let Him satisfy every area of your life, and in-return you will find every other Godly relationship flourish, with Christ Jesus as the center.